# 83
Brian D. McTear to me
Jun 9, 2009
Hey
Well, I am glad you can have a day by day approach. I find your attitude inspirational, Bobby. And you know, even though you do NOT come across as depressing or complaining, let me just say that we’re all entitled to “down moments” and a complaint session every now and then. So if you want to “break character” and be a little pissed off, please don’t apologize. I think we should agree that anything goes in that department for both of us.
Also, I am okay with anything as far as posts go. I wouldn’t mind posting THIS message.
I had a relationship come to an end when I was 26, just as a great friend suffered a terrible terrible tragedy, my band of 8 years was just breaking up AND I was starting to have hemoptysis for the first time (which was really hard for me). My girlfriend at the time was a great woman, and though she was a few years older than me, she had never been in love… Everything about it made me feel like it was all meant to be forever. the relationship was very influential on who I am today, honestly, for lots of reasons, so it was hard to understand why we were breaking up. But she was also Indian and Muslim, and came from a family with some pretty heavy internal baggage. In the midst of what I was going through with my health, I just couldn’t help but feel like it was because of that, but with all the time since, I really think it was more than that.
Shit. That seems like it’s made up when I go back and read it. Swear to god…it all happened. Her name was Sabina (I could probably insert a facebook profile link here, but we’ll save that for the blog, right?)
I don’t know what to say about the way things ended for you and _____ except that there’s probably more to it than just your health. That’s certainly a dominant detail in your life and probably a biggy in the relationship, but there’s also the whole rest of your history, with and without eachother. None of it makes breaking up any less sucky. Having said all that, I don’t think it should be a forgone conclusion that you won’t be able to meet someone else. No matter what your situation you will meet someone else for whom you are right and who is right for you RIGHT NOW. Long relationships always have history working for and against them, but new relationships start in the present, which really gives the past and future a run for their money.
So are you in at Devin and Ali’s? Are you going to keep living there? I guess why wouldn’t you? Not working shouldn’t change any of that. Let some light in that place, though. You need sunlight! Get outside. Take walks! Please try yoga with someone who will be mindful of your condition. I swear, it is great and you will feel better. “Better” is better than “same”, right?
B