# 89
From Brian to Bobby
June 28th, 2009
You know, I am not convinced that it’s impossible to get back to 2004 for you. It will take a lot of work to get there and a hell of a lot to stay there, but that’s what you and I have to expect. I want to believe that we can be very healthy, we just need to accept that it will take more and more work as we move along.
As far as forgiveness goes, I keep thinking back to Catholic school and first confession. It was this huge pageant that set the stage for a little kid to try to understand the power of forgiveness. I guess you had two or three years of being told you were a sinner, which was enough time for it to really weigh on your soul, at which point you then get this opportunity to feel the weight lifted. As much as I might always take jabs at the church, First confession might be my enduring example of the experience of forgiveness.
The thing about forgiving someone else is that it takes a certain amount of energy to keep up that enmity. You let them off the hook and you no longer have to “hold up” the hook. You need a place to store hurt. If you can empty out that place (or places), then you are lighter.
I kind of imagine that we store negativity in the thin space between our cells, that it flows when the pain is new, but that it eventually slows to a near halt. Even so, it’s still there. It’s a web of energy, and in as much as we want the power and presence it gives us in the moment, that negative residue it hard to extricate. It’s harder the older you get, too. The best thing of course is if you let nothing stick to you. Imagine yourself a smooth surface that nothing can adhere to. Some people are like the fuzzy side to velcro. Don’t be a receptacle to negativity. If you can achieve that, I think you neutralize the power of negativity all together.
(I say it like it’s easy…ha!)
I really do think that these negative feelings are a thing of the physical experience only. I like to imagine that we select the physical experience we want to have, in part, to understand hurt, pain, dispair. Sounds like we’re masochists, but I also think that outside of the physical reality, the time that sadness and dispair have to cripple us is just an illusory blip! We take the trip into the physical world to have that elongated experience.
Jeez…every time I write shit like this, I look back and laugh. I imagine me on Oprah or something. We’ve got to start this book, Bobby! Oprah’s book list is waiting! Ha!
Really, I suppose I have these ideas for my own strength (and a little bit for my own entertainment).
Your dad’s into Rodney Yee! That’s cool. You will like it. It will be hard for the first couple days, but just imagine that in a week you will feel significantly better than today, and so on for weeks to come. That makes it all worth it. I am about to pull out the yoga matt myself!
Talk soon!
B