From Bobby to Brian

July 5^th, 2009

A WALK

My eyes already touch the sunny hill.

going far ahead of the road I have begun.

So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;

it has inner light, even from a distance-

and charges us, even if we do not reach it,

into something else, which, hardly sensing it,

we already are; a gesture waves us on

answering our own wave…

but what we feel is the wind in our faces.

Translated by Robert Bly

Rainer Maria Rilke

Do you read a lot of poetry? I don’t really but I’ve been reading a lot of Rilke lately. His poetry really speaks to me at this point in my life. It’s one of those things that I wish I had known about much longer ago but came along at just the right time in my life.

I love that poem above. It’s the epitome of what I believe life is all about: the journey. the last line, “what we feel is the wind in our faces” really hit home in a literal sense oddly enough. When I’m in here (the hospital) I go to physical therapy and walk on the treadmill. It always goes pretty well but I never feel challenged really. Then, when I walk the halls I always feel like i exert more. It’s because I’m resisting the wind (or, in the hallways case, the air). You need that! You need the resistance, the challenge, the LIFE!

Chris worries about me. He worries that my life is going to be a constant struggle with breathing and getting around. You really inspired him with the struggles you went through and how you came through all right. I’ve been struggling a long time, but I feel so motivated right now and I feel so good about getting back to my 2004 health, like you said before. And hearing Chris talk about you has really inspired me. These aren’t just empty words, I really mean them. I’m looking ahead to the “sunny hill” and embracing the inner light that is gesturing me towards my goals. Already the past few days have been great. I started practicing some new yoga moves and deep breathing techniques. My need for oxygen has gone down, and I’ve been FEELING good for the first time in a long time.

I’ve always had innate thoughts that I am going to keep going no matter what. That I’m going to break through whatever life puts in my way and until the day I come across something that is too big and too strong for me there is nothing I can’t achieve. My dream is to walk the streets of Paris with the person I love. I’m in training for that, whenever that day may come.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 at 4:18 pm and is filed under Living With CF, Love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.