Comments on: #102

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By: Josh

Josh — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 06:46:37 +0000

It’s the middle of the night in October. I just finished chatting with you a few hours ago Brian not about anything in particular (other than your computer almost overheating) and I felt the need to read this post again. It’s so full of raw emotion and love for your friend. It is truly inspiring to read. Not because of CF or spirituality. The more I read this post, the more I feel it’s a about the love of two friends and how you both just get life. Thank God for close friends. You only need a few to make life better.

Peaceful Thoughts,

Josh

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:07:41 +0000

Hey Brian,
I was so sad to check this website tonight and find out what happened. Even though I only emailed with you both a couple of times, I still feel a certain camaraderie because of our respective situations. I am so sorry for your loss.

Bobby,
Where ever you are, I know that you are living the good life CF free! Live it up man!! I wish that I had more time to get to know you better, but I will always be grateful for the encouragement that both you and Brian gave me.

To family and friends: I am so sorry for your loss; you will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

This website has been so inspirational to me to live the best possible life that I can with my CF. Thank you SO MUCH, and I really hope that it can still exist in some form or another.

Lots of love,
Becky

By: Dylan

Dylan — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:41:03 +0000

hi Brian, Barbara,
whoever reads this. I never really called him Bobby for some reason. I’m not sure why because everyone else did. I think it’s because people always commented about how Bob and Dylan went together…
I just saw on my phone (Facebook) some messages from Tom and Kurt and knew something had happened. I visited Bob in July ( when I was in Philadelphia and have been back in touch with him since, he told me about this blog.) I feel bad that I haven’t read it since now. I read your post, Brian, and totally lost it. It’s weird to find out about these things electronically, but I live in Alabama and have lost touch with his friends and family.. so I’m thankful that people are writing.
Anyway. I remember meeting him in photography class, and wearing my favorite outfit on days I had class because I had a huge crush on him. I was really terrible at developing film in the darkroom so he always helped me. We dated on and off for about two years until I went to college in New Orleans. He always called me a restless soul.
It was a tricky relationship at the time. There was the first barrier of the age gap, which is not that big now but at the time he had so much more freedom than I did. I just read his last post about playing music in his 20s. I was 18 the last year we dated, so I remember that being a really great time, too. I’d go to the love syndicate shows and be a groupie I guess but really I just wanted to watch him play.
I think the only reason that it didn’t work was because I had to get out of Philadelphia, grow up, find my bearings. The ironic thing is that I would love to live there now. I miss it.
I kept in touch with him when I moved to New Orleans and it was not long after we broke up that he met someone else. I remember finding out about that…I had been at a party or something and I was unusually upset about it. I mean, here I was in Louisiana. After a little while I got over it and was happy for him and went on to have other boyfriends and kept in touch with him every now and then. This summer I came up to Philadelphia and he saw that I was coming up there. We got back in touch and he asked me to come visit him in the hospital. I’d been back a few times and hadn’t seen him but this time I had a day to myself and took a long walk, all the way from south street to his hospital room. I got him a book on the way.. After Dark. It is a really strange book about a series of events that happened in a 12 hour time span in the middle of the night. He was always such a night owl that I thought he’d like it.

Honestly seeing him was the highlight of my trip. How one person can light up a little hospital room is beyond me. There was this woman next door screaming her head off and Bob would just laugh. All I could think about was how nuts I would be if I had to listen to that, but he was just there smiling as if we were in some coffee shop. i got an update on all of his family, his goals, this blog, and while he said he was having a rough time you would have no idea. I envied his happiness. A couple of weeks after I came back to philly. he sent me some messages and we talked about meeting up.. but didn’t. I was showing a friend from Birmingham all the historic sites. I wish I had seen him again.. now knowing that I can’t.
I am jealous of those of you that got to spend your lives with him. We probably could have remained very close friends if I hadn’t moved so far away. I tell people all the time that my first boyfriend, my first love, really, was the very best. I smiled the whole time I was with him, until I had to leave. I’m glad I got a reminder of what it is like to be with him briefly this summer.
My heart aches for you, Brian, his brothers and sisters, his mom, dad, Luke… friends.. Chris, Andy.. all of us whose lives were better because of him. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Dylan

By: Al

Al — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:38:11 +0000

Your story deserves a movie some day.

By: Edan

Edan — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:19:28 +0000

Bobby – it had been some time since we hung at The Bean and talked about music over too-sweet mango smoothies. I hope you have found peace – true peace.

Brian – your words shattered me, my friend. I can only imagine your loss over your friend.

To Bobby’s family – congratulations on raising an incredibly kind and humble man. You must be special people and I am sorry for your loss.

By: nancy

nancy — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:46:38 +0000

Thanks for this letter….i am so sorry
my thoughts go out to bobby’s family and to you as well
i know no one will take his place, but i hope you continue to write on this blog…whatever it evolves into, i will keep coming back

By: Nancy

Nancy — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 01:09:05 +0000

From Brian’s mom to Bobby’s parents my heartfelt sorrow for this terrible loss. Since becoming a parent I have always believed in the universality of parenthood – that we become parent to all children and morn the loss of everyone’s children, being keenly aware of the pain that such a loss brings. Since two of my adult children have cystic fibrosis I find it extremely difficult to deal with such an event as this. But I have to say that Brian’s last message to Bobby was wonderful and made me see things from a very different perspective and Bobby’s mother’s was beautiful. I love the quote from the book “The Next Place”. I hope the blog will continue, perhaps with mutiple people with CF sharing their thoughts and experiences. I wish it could still be Bobby speaking. but I believe he would like it to continue.

By: Marianne

Marianne — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 16:55:00 +0000

Brian and Bobby,
My job isn’t. I am fortunate to be part of a village and we are all connected, all to each other. (know it or not). And the CF is connected to us too. The uninvited guest who changes us all and makes connections we wouldn’t otherwise have. That’s where all the lessons are.

What more can a person ask than to learn something from everyone you meet?

Someone once said that this life’s purpose is to teach us that we are all connected (to shatter the myth of disconnectedness). Then we are ready for the next.

with ultimate respect to you all,
Marianne

By: Barbara Brown

Barbara Brown — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 13:08:18 +0000

My Dear Son,
It is with such heaviness in my heart that I write this to both you and your dear friend Brian. I know how hard you worked to be “well”, how hard you worked on being a great friend and loving family member. I know how hard you worked on this blog and the forthcoming video. Please know how many lives you touched and Brian, please be well, I hope I can meet you sometime soon. Son, I loved you from the momemt you were born and I am going to have to tell the world the story of your birth (you know, the one I tell you at every birthday). Just can’t do it now. I will love you for as long as I live and we will see each other in the beautiful place where you are now at peace.
From a book by Warren Hanson called, “The Next Place”:
The next place that I go will be as peaceful and familiar as a sleepy summer Sunday and a sweet untroubled mind. And yet it won’t be anything like any placde I’ve ever been…or seen..or even dreamed of in the place I leave behind.I won’t know where I’m going and I won’t know where I’ve been as I tumble through the always and look back toward the when. I’ll glide beyond the rainbows. I’ll drift above the sky. I’ll fly into the wonder, without ever wondering why.I won’t remember getting there. Somehow I’ll just arrive. But I’ll know that I belong there and will feel much more alive than I have ever felt before. I will be absolutely free of the things that I held onto that were holding onto me. The next place that I go will be so quiet and so still. That the whispered song of sweet belonging will rise up to fill the listening sky with joyful silence, and with unheard harmonies of music made by no one playing, like a hush upon a breeze. There will be no room for darkness in that place of living light, Where an ever-dawning morning pushes back the dying night. The very air will fill with brilliance, as the brightly shining sun, And the moon and half a million stars are married into one. The next place that I go won’t really be a place at all. There won’t be any seasons..winter, summer, spring or fall. Nor a Monday, Nor a Friday, Nor December, Nor July. And the seconds will be standing still…while hours hurry by. I will not be a boy or a girl, a woman or a man. I’ll simply be just, simply me. No worse or better than. My skin will not be dark or light. I won’t be fat or tall. The body I once lived in won’t be part of me at all. I will finally be perfect. I will be without a flaw. I will never make one more mistake, or break the smallest law. (NOT THAT YOU EVER DID!) And the me that was impatient, or was angry or unkind, will simply be a memory. The me I left behind.
I will travel empty handed. There is not a single thing I have collected in my life that I would ever want to bring except….the love of those who loved me and the warmth of those who cared. The happiness and memories and magic we shared. I’ll be embraced by all the family and friends I’ve ever known. Although I might not see their faces, all our hearts will beat as one, And the circle of our spirits will shine brighter than the sun. I will cherish all the friendship I was fortunate to fine, all the love and all the laughter in the place I leave behind. All these good things will go with me. They will make my spirit glow. And that light will shine forever in the next place that I go. ”
I love you, as your Pop Pop would say ONE HUNDRED MILLION,xoxoxoxoxo Mumsies