Hey Everyone,
So we are having a fundraiser with light food/drinks and some musical entertainment. A list of performers will follow once its confirmed.
Tickets are $20 and to RSVP please use the button below. Along with buying tickets, you can also donate to the cause. Tickets will also be available at the door.
The Gift
From Brian to Bobby
June 27th, 2009
Hey
Saw your comment about Wipe Out. It is tough not to laugh. Sad thing is that ever since the digital change-over with TV, Amy and I can’t get so many channels. Basically, before you could mentally adjust to bad reception, now you get a black screen and a message that says “No Program”. I think we’ve all been duped, or at least the “all of us” who don’t have cable or satellite.
How are you?
B
From Bobby to Brian
June 27th, 2009
Hey,
I’m okay. Yeah last week my dad and my brothers and friends came down to visit and somehow we all ended up watching this ridiculous show. Since there’s nothing else on, I’m watching it again and it’s still stupidly funny, but just not the same without other people.
Today I didn’t really have any visitors, which can be really nice sometimes, but today the walls were definitely closing in on me. I like having my alone time, but it leads me to thinking about things that really stress me out. People are the best distraction for me in those situations.
The thing I’ve been thinking a lot about recently is forgiveness. It seems like there are a lot of people in my life right now that either need forgiveness from someone or need to forgive. It’s a heavy topic and something that may be at the core of a lot of the things we talk about. Spirituality, Death, Life, all revolve (to me) around the premise of doing good in this world and learning from your mistakes and growing spiritually. You need forgiveness to be able to move on in life, sometimes the most meaningful being the ability to forgive yourself. But anyway when I think about all the people that strive for it in my life I wonder what my capacity for forgiveness is. I feel like if you can forgive that is the best gift/thing you can do for anyone.
I’m hoping maybe early next week I can get outta here but Dr. Holsclaw plays it pretty close to the chest when it comes to a release date. I usually find out the day before. Feeling great though. Did I tell you that I’m not going to move into Devin and Ali’s? After all of this, for right now I think it’s better that I be around my family who can keep a close eye on me and feed me in a clean air-conditioned place. I’m also going to start Yoga FOR REAL and my goal is to increase my PFT’s everytime I go into the office.
Have you heard the new Grizzly Bear record? Man, I am obsessed, so good.
How are you feeling? Have things slowed down and are you able to get a little rest?
talk to you soon,
b.
From Brian to Bobby
June 28th, 2009
I think today you and I should have engaged in a long session of instant messaging or something… It was a really beautiful day but for some reason I was inside the whole time. Mostly doing paper work. Well, next time! Tomorrow is my nephew’s graduation party. He lives out in Lancaster. I am actually really excited to go out there for the party.
Forgiveness is such a heavy topic. Like you said, having the capacity to forgive is a real gift, but there must be something a little bit addictive to feeling hurt because why else would it be so hard? I’d be interested to hear how you think it relates to life and death. Part of me has always thought that hurt, anger, pain (and maybe all purely negative emotions) are really just bodily sensations distantly related to fight or flight instincts, and that they disappear outside of physical reality. There’s something sublime about not being anchored to anger and bitterness, though. The Amish believe forgiveness is an absolute rule.
I am glad to hear you are feeling really good. That makes me feel really good, too! I didn’t know you were forgoing moving into D and A’s but I trust your instincts. I really really love that you are going to start yoga and that you are intent on consistently bringing up your numbers. There is never a better time to do this then when you are feeling really good!
I should start up too… Maybe this is what I need to do it? Hmmmm. I am feeling good, but I should crank it up a notch. I really like Kundalini yoga, though I usually start with these Rodney Yee Ayengar yoga dvds we have.
Keep me posted on what you end up doing. And tell me what’s on your mind with regard to forgiveness.
B
From Bobby to Brian
June 28th, 2009
Yeah I look out the window a lot these days and wish I could be outside amongst the world. I remember the summer of 2004 was the healthiest of my adult life so far. I rode my bike everywhere and loved taking rides during sunsets. In the summer of 2005 I got really sick and never got back on the bike after that. That’s another thing I hope to do, no matter how much oxygen I need.
Man, forgiveness to me is such a deep feeling that it’s hard to talk about and describe without talking about religion. I have a Quaker heritage in my blood and a big part of their beliefs is peacefulness and integrity and honesty. I’m not totally sure what their stance of forgiveness is, but living a peaceful life of honesty and integrity surely include the ability to forgive. Growing up in church I always heard the Lord’s Prayer which asks God to forgive us for our trespasses and forgive those who trespass against us. I always wondered what the reasons to forgive were and why I should be forgiven. And if saying this prayer wiped the slate clean, then was it really all there was to it? I found out that it’s not. What I’ve found is that it’s going down to the deepest part of your soul, understanding what it is you are NEEDING and trying to reconcile it the best you can.
I like your idea that negative feelings disappear outside the physical reality because I believe that heartbreak, anger, resentment, pain all are physically debilitating. You can get bogged down in these emotions and they can affect your physical body, and that’s a fact. That’s where I believe forgiveness can help you let go of these emotions not only when you need to be forgiven but maybe even more importantly when YOU need to forgive. The thought I keep coming back to is this though: If the person you are willing/wanting to forgive doesn’t even understand the reason for it, is it worth it? Can you let go of the anger, hurt, pain if it goes unsubstantiated? It’s as if the feelings you are trying to let go of just get sucked into an emotionless black-hole, and in that sense, does it matter? Either way, whatever awaits us after we’ve checked out I hope is devoid of those feelings. If forgiveness = love, then the key element of forgiving/being forgiven is love.
As much as I’ve rambled already, it’s not even scratching the surface. What do you think?
Ayengar yoga! That’s what my parents are going to set me up with when I get out of here. My step dad is way into him.
I’m glad you’re doing well.
Love,
bobby.
From Brian to Bobby
June 28th, 2009
You know, I am not convinced that it’s impossible to get back to 2004 for you. It will take a lot of work to get there and a hell of a lot to stay there, but that’s what you and I have to expect. I want to believe that we can be very healthy, we just need to accept that it will take more and more work as we move along.
As far as forgiveness goes, I keep thinking back to Catholic school and first confession. It was this huge pageant that set the stage for a little kid to try to understand the power of forgiveness. I guess you had two or three years of being told you were a sinner, which was enough time for it to really weigh on your soul, at which point you then get this opportunity to feel the weight lifted. As much as I might always take jabs at the church, First confession might be my enduring example of the experience of forgiveness.
The thing about forgiving someone else is that it takes a certain amount of energy to keep up that enmity. You let them off the hook and you no longer have to “hold up” the hook. You need a place to store hurt. If you can empty out that place (or places), then you are lighter.
I kind of imagine that we store negativity in the thin space between our cells, that it flows when the pain is new, but that it eventually slows to a near halt. Even so, it’s still there. It’s a web of energy, and in as much as we want the power and presence it gives us in the moment, that negative residue it hard to extricate. It’s harder the older you get, too. The best thing of course is if you let nothing stick to you. Imagine yourself a smooth surface that nothing can adhere to. Some people are like the fuzzy side to velcro. Don’t be a receptacle to negativity. If you can achieve that, I think you neutralize the power of negativity all together.
(I say it like it’s easy…ha!)
I really do think that these negative feelings are a thing of the physical experience only. I like to imagine that we select the physical experience we want to have, in part, to understand hurt, pain, dispair. Sounds like we’re masochists, but I also think that outside of the physical reality, the time that sadness and dispair have to cripple us is just an illusory blip! We take the trip into the physical world to have that elongated experience.
Jeez…every time I write shit like this, I look back and laugh. I imagine me on Oprah or something. We’ve got to start this book, Bobby! Oprah’s book list is waiting! Ha!
Really, I suppose I have these ideas for my own strength (and a little bit for my own entertainment).
Your dad’s into Rodney Yee! That’s cool. You will like it. It will be hard for the first couple days, but just imagine that in a week you will feel significantly better than today, and so on for weeks to come. That makes it all worth it. I am about to pull out the yoga matt myself!
Talk soon!
B