Brian McTear to me

Feb 23, 2009

When I was 18 I was pretty sure that I was going to be a rock star, so I wanted to take a year off before college and make that happen … skip college all together. Some of my closest friends, including one of the guys in my band, assumed I didn’t have long left, and that’s what I was doing! It was weird because, especially back then, I was SO healthy. I mean, arguably a lot healthier than those guys! People just project their fears all the time. It’s one of the things that sucks about having an illness is that people are sometimes ready to project their fears for you before they need to.

I am psyched to read your dream blog. I have just started writing a blog for Weathervane Music, the non-profit organization I am trying to establish. If you are interested, the address is wvmusic.tumblr.com. I am just getting started with it. And we should totally put something together. Even if we just take our emails and upload the correspondance to a blog… We could edit out whatever we don’t want people to read, but I bet some people would like to read it. I’ve been rereading our emails, so I know someone out there would be interested!

Regarding the mentoring: You know, when I was 19 I was at one of my last doctor visits at CHOP. While I was waiting this young couple was getting the results from their kid’s CF test, and I saw them just moments after finding out. It was unbelievable. I actually wrote a letter to them right there and asked the receptionist to give it to them since I was sure they weren’t in the mood for talking. I said I basically didn’t know much about other people with CF’s experience. I was pretty sure that I had a milder case than many, but that I had a promising and happy life, and they shouldn’t assume any less for their child. I am not sure what I said was well informed, or mature, but the receptionist read it and wiped a tear. It was a touching moment.

So I like the thought of making something like that. Adults with CF talk to parents of and/or children with CF.

I sort of suspect that dreams are actually momentary insights into another reality or existence that is most likely not on the time line, and maybe in many cases not even attached to the physical world. Again, If you can entertain the idea that time is not real, then a thread of connection between lives that would seem to be on different parts of the timeline really could be as simple as opening a momentary channel between those lives. Dreams would be a perfect place for those threads to expose themselves to each other. Imagine how crazy it would be to exist in another life, and in a dream that boy or girl, man or woman …or Trafalmadorian… is getting glimpses into playing drums, walking through a house with different animals in each room, and having CF!

I like thinking about these things.

And for what it’s worth, in the Seth books, they talk about people very commonly keeping close to their loved ones…in one existence you are brother and sister, in another you’re mother and son, best friends, etc.

Here’s a crazy related story: My sister Nancy is 5 years older than me. Her mother in law died in 1994 or so. About 2 years later, she had her daughter Molly. One time after she took Molly to see her grandfather (Nancy’s father in law), just as they were driving away from the house, Molly (maybe 3 at that point?) said to Nancy, “I used to live there, exept when I lived there I was the Mommy and Daddy was the little boy!” Nancy said the hairs on her neck stood on end for the whole ride home.

B

Robert Wolter to Brian

Feb 23, 2009

That is a crazy story. I’ve had a couple of experiences of “seeing” things, what I think were spirits. When I lived in Northern Liberties, the house I lived in was owned by this lady who had actually died in the house (I didn’t know this until after the fact). But one night I had fallen asleep on the couch and when I woke up I saw someone walk up the stairs, but not really walk, it was very quick and then just kind of faded away. At the time I was really tired and maybe I was just seeing things but Jen, my roommate at the time, had also had a similar experience (also unbeknownst to me at the time). The second time is saw something was in the hospital. I was pretty sick and not only was I running a little fever, but I was also on some pretty heavy duty pain medicine. Again, it was really late maybe around 4 a.m., and the nurse had just given me a dose of pain medicine. I dozed off for a few minutes and when I opened my eyes there were numerous (this is really hard to describe) “energies” in the room. I want to say kind of like lights or something. I couldn’t communicate with them or anything but it was like I was acutely aware of their presence. Both instances you can maybe chalk up to tiredness, drugs, or both, but those were the only times I’ve ever experienced something like that so while I don’t take them too seriously i think they are noteworthy nonetheless.

I had this other experience about six months ago (sorry i’m kind of rambling here). I had pulled some muscles in my back and after about two weeks I was still in really bad pain. I was just starting to turn the corner, but kind of at the end of my rope. Now, I wouldn’t say that I am a religious person, but a spiritual one, and over the summer when I was in the hospital (the same stay where I had the experience that I just told…) I got into the habit of saying prayers for things. I try not to pray asking for things, but just acknowledging my good fortune. But this night I felt like I was going to freak out so I just prayed for my back pain to go away and to be able to finally get some rest and to be able to experience normalcy again. When I woke up it was like my prayer was answered. My pain was SO much better and i could get around a lot easier. I don’t know what that all means, if it was just mind over matter, the natural course of my healing, or truly was an answer to my prayer. Maybe all three combined, but if something outside this physical world helped me then maybe I’m not so crazy after all. Like I said, my step-mom is Catholic and her mom and all of her mom-friends have a prayer list that they put me on when I’m in dire straights. This doesn’t make me any closer to the Catholic church per se, but it does make me believe more in the power of the mind.

If you are ever with Devin for a while talking about these things he has some CRAZY stories. I’ve wanted for the longest time to collect all kinds of these types of stories on tape and make an audio essay of sorts.

What if we did like a weekly blog post? We could each do every other week, so we’d do two a month. Maybe we could set it up so that we’re riffing off of the last blog post that we each make. And if we want to switch it up we just start a whole new topic. Totally like our emails…conversations.

Brian McTear to me

Feb 25, 2009

Those are pretty crazy stories. To me it all makes good sense, especially the prayer part. I mean, praying is essentially coaxing an outcome, just like being consumed with doubt is.

I’d love to hear Devin’s stories, too. I am going to have to hit him up for that.

Let’s do the blog. I’m in. I feel like I really want to riff, like you said, and really I feel pretty inclined to start with this email thread (ie, the past few weeks). It’d be great to talk about time, life, death, reality, dreams, etc.

I don’t really know how to start a blog. I recently started a tumblr blog, but that’s really short entries and someone actually did it for me… I’ll look into it.

B

Robert Wolter to Brian

Feb 26, 2009

yeah…with any free blog service you just need an email addy. the blogger one i use for my dream blog is really easy and connected right to my gmail account. what if we created a new gmail account and just did a blogger blog?

what should we call it?

Brian McTear to me

Feb 26, 2009

Maybe:

Life and Death with Bobby and Brian

or

The Nature of Reality

(as well as Time, Life and Death)

–by Bobby and Brian

No, I guess this will take some serious thought (although I kinda like that second one)….

B

Robert Wolter to Brian

Feb 27, 2009

what about,

Senses of Life and Death

the Brian and Bobby Letters.

I’m reading the Watchmen right now. It’s funny how when you start getting into a subject (like I am now with life, death, reality, time, etc…) it just starts to pop up everywhere in your life. It seems like every time I turn around I’m encountering more info and garnering more thoughts on these subjects. The Watchmen touches on a lot of these subjects.

I heard this interview with an actor/screenwriter Danny McBride the other day. He was in Pineapple Express and also wrote and acts in the new HBO show Eastbound and Down. Anyways he was talking about how he’s had some success as an actor but he really loves the art of writing because he loves seeing what he puts to paper come to life on screen. I’ve never been a huge part of the writing in most of the bands I’ve played in but I know what he means. One of the greatest feeling I get from playing music isn’t being on stage or getting recognition, it’s the process of creating and hearing and seeing how everything comes together. It’s amazing how the power of imagination can turn thoughts into matter.

Man I didn’t set out to write this long letter, it just sort of happened.

a’ight ttyl.

Brian McTear to me

Feb 27, 2009

How bout

Time, Life and Death

The Brian and Bobby Letters

Or just, The Brian and Bobby Letters (musing on Reality, time, life, death….)

I think I get my biggest creative burst out of writing my own music, but I think maybe even more of what you are talking about with production, ie that whole seeing something come from nothing.

I’ve also been trying to make a non-profit music organization lately that, I hope at least, will ultimately become a real job. I don’t know if I told you about it, but you can read about it at wvmusic.tumblr.com. Did I tell you about it? I’ve been talking my head off about it for the past several months…. But making a company out of nothing is pretty astonishing. I can’t believe we just had an idea, and when we finally start rolling, I’m sitting at a conference room at XPN with a whole board of directors and a staff. It’s really cool.

B

Brian McTear to me

Feb 27, 2009

How bout

Time, Life and Death

The Brian and Bobby Letters

Or just, The Brian and Bobby Letters (musing on Reality, time, life, death….)

I think I get my biggest creative burst out of writing my own music, but I think maybe even more of what you are talking about with production, ie that whole seeing something come from nothing.

I’ve also been trying to make a non-profit music organization lately that, I hope at least, will ultimately become a real job. I don’t know if I told you about it, but you can read about it at wvmusic.tumblr.com. Did I tell you about it? I’ve been talking my head off about it for the past several months…. But making a company out of nothing is pretty astonishing. I can’t believe we just had an idea, and when we finally start rolling, I’m sitting at a conference room at XPN with a whole board of directors and a staff. It’s really cool.

B

Robert Wolter to Brian

Feb 27, 2009

I like that first title. Guess what? My friend has offered to host our blog (i.e.- like a real website) if we want to do it that way. He said he could even put a link up there for people to donate to CF if we wanted to do something like that eventually. We just have to come up with a website name. Any ideas?

I am loving your non-profit organization, weathervane. How far along is it, do you have your first artist yet?

I always thought it would be cool to have another resurgence of a “philly sound”. Of having a studio (with a house band) where a songwriter could go and record without any limitations such as time, money, etc…and produce a true piece of art. i read an interview with dr. dog and they were talking about their studio and how they had their engineer (was is bill moriarty? you probably know exactly what i’m talking about. in fact, your studio is probably the similar in a lot of ways?) set it up exactly how they wanted it. their approach to recording is very cool. maybe i’m being presumptive in thinking that there isn’t a new kind of “sound” happening in Philly because i don’t get out that much. it seems like there’s certain pockets but no real movement. that subject could be a whole new blog. ha.

Brian McTear to me

Feb 27, 2009

Hey

Cool, so the blog would be hosted by another party? That’s cool. I’m down. I am down with the CF donations, too. I met someone who maybe works for a Greater Phila Area branch of the CF Foundation. I just have to jog my memory… But we could ask them to provide a paypal link and then just let people donate via that! Would be cool.

Regarding “Philly sound” – It’s interesting, because in all the years I’ve been here I have always been impressed by the fact that Philadelphia was growing into a “scene” but without any particular sound. True, there are a few bands with Dr. Dog’s sound (former band, The Teeth, Spinto Band, Drink up Buttercup, maybe even National Eye though completely different in other ways…), but on the whole I like the “community” here. People are, in recent years, happy…even psyched to be here. They love Johnny Brendas, and they almost universally support eachother without any strings attached.

I suppose I am partially sensitive to the “sound” thing, because I have often been told I need to impart more of “my sound” on people’s records, which I always shudder at the idea of. I think it’s important to find the essence of what each individual band does and help really develop THAT, you know? But I know that’s a different thing then what you are talking about.

I really don’t get out much either. And oddly, for that matter, I don’t hear very much music beside what Amy and I record! It’s crazy. I know way more about great local artists than great national and international artists!

B